There is a plan
I have been in survival mode for 25 years. With each cancer-driven experience, I had to dig deep to remain strong to overcome serious health issues, and with each challenge, I have had many different emotional responses. From my initial diagnosis and treatment, to relapse and bone marrow transplant, and through complications like kidney failure, kidney transplant, congestive heart failure and several bouts of pneumonia, my emotional responses have been what you might expect. Feelings of shock and fear, agitation and defeat, confusion and uncertainty were all part of my world. Yet, I also found one common response to these experiences—the one that provided me a way to move forward—was acceptance. Only by accepting the cards that life dealt me, could I play the next hand.
Cancer brought about many stops and starts in my personal life and career. My friends and family would be going about life in a forward-looking and normal way, starting their families and advancing their careers. Not me. I would take a one-step-forward-and-two-steps-back approach. Many times, I felt like life was leaving me behind and passing me by. But these past 25 years have also been an opportunity for personal growth and development in many positive ways.
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Sign up!One very special event in our lives, after being advised that starting a family was unlikely due to my end stage cancer diagnosis, my wife Connie and I celebrated the birth of our daughter Madison in 1996. With her birth, Connie recognized a rejuvenated fight in me. That baby girl gave Connie and I our purpose and Madison has been our lifeline all these years. Now age 21, Madison will graduate from Nazareth College this May as a music teacher. Because of our experiences, I believe that the three of us have become a positive, strong and resilient family and individuals.
In recent years, my feelings of acceptance led to greater insight. After my kidney transplant, the realization that “I cannot control what I cannot control,” has been a great relief and sort of provides a great deal of freedom to focus on the important things in life.
As I reflect, I can see that with every setback, there is a comeback. I was forced to take one day at a time. I learned that if I felt well on a particular day, I should take advantage of that day. If I felt poorly, I would lay low and recoup for the next day. Understanding what I could and could not control was a life-changing lesson, one that provides freedom to go about enjoying the simpler things and to better appreciate life and all it has to offer. The old saying that “life is too short” is certainly true for my family. I now find myself a more compassionate person compared to before my experience with cancer. I try my best to support others in their time of need and to share my story in terms of acceptance, overcoming obstacles, appreciation and compassion for others. Remember, acceptance of your diagnosis is key to your personal plan for recovery, resumption and resiliency.
Editor’s Note: Cancer patient outcomes and experiences may vary, even for those with the same type of cancer. An individual patient’s story should not be used as a prediction of how another patient will respond to treatment. Roswell Park is transparent about the survival rates of our patients as compared to national standards, and provides this information, when available, within the cancer type sections of this website.
